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Jennifer

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[24 Jan 2011|07:39pm]
Its been awhile (understatement), but I'm feeling the need to vent, and lacking any real-world people that I feel genuinely able to confide in (more my fault than theirs), I turn to you, oh faithful livejournal.

In class today, we were discussing interviewing/counseling and, inevitably, communication skills. Which was fine, and probably the area of my future career that I need to work the hardest at (the technical stuff, the "book learning", that's fine). The instructor wanted us to each say our strengths and weaknesses regarding communication. This sounds like a perfectly reasonable task, and while I think most people find these sorts of activities generally unpleasant, my reaction was one of near panic and fighting back tears almost immediately. It wouldn't be so difficult if someone asked me to list my general strengths and weaknesses; I have lots of strengths, but none of them (absolutely none of them) fall into the realm of communication or, the obvious extension, social skills. So I was left with my brain running through the possibilities of what I could possibly say was a strength, while at the same time cruelly and unceasingly listing those very very many weaknesses. So the general state of mind was as follows: feeling completely shitty about being a socially useless lump; feeling anxiety about blithering like an idiot when my turn came; and feeling even more anxiety about the very real possibility of bursting into tears and being unable to say a word; not to mention that it was clear nobody else was having such an averse emotional reaction to this very simple task. I felt as though I would have a panic attack.

Its just such a sensitive and personal topic for me. Like I said before, it wouldn't be so bad if I was listing my general strengths and weaknesses. I don't want to sound like I'm putting myself down, because I'm not. To be honest, I'm pretty good at pretty much everything else that I try to do. This is just my kryptonite. And to have someone just throw this task upon me without any warning...it was as though someone said "hey Jen, can you please spell out all your most personal and deeply-rooted vulnerabilities for the enjoyment of your peers and future colleagues? k, thanx". :(

Ultimately, I didn't volunteer to go first, or second, or third...etc. There was me and one other girl left to go and by that point I had focused on other people talking long enough to compose myself. I could still hear my voice cracking and I'm sure my instructor, at the very least, noticed something was up. But then, it could be just my imagination that he made one extra light-hearted comment and didn't ask too many questions.

I've been feeling just so damn lonely lately (for a long time) that this has been on my mind anyway. And my lack of social skills/communication skills is not a new topic for me. My instructor even commented that I made very good observations (about my weaknesses); which I know, I can describe them in agonizing detail because I've been thinking intensely about them for 10-15 years.


Anyway, its all over now. Nobody said anything to me, so maybe I only imagined that my eyes looked wet and voiced creaked. Its just another thing to make me obsess over my social ineptitude.
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[22 Jun 2010|05:52pm]
Update time!

Morocco was fantastic. The weather was beautiful, I went swimming the ocean for the first time in years, and I saw a camel! I met up with my friend Cathy, and a friend of her friend drove us all around. We started in Agadir, had an adventerous taxi ride to Essaouria, where we met up with Walid. Then we went to Safi and Oualidia Beach. It was amazing! I'd love to go back someday, and I really want to go to Marrakech next time.

Yesterday was Peach Party, which is a big party that the company I work for puts on every year. All 13 pubs in the company shut down and get together in a field in the middle of nowhere and party all night long. Free and unlimited alcohol. And its a costume party -- the theme of the party was "Battle of the Bands" and each pub had a different genre/era. We were 80s Power Rock, so I dressed up in a black leather skirt with an off-the shoulder white and black tee and a zebra striped head band with gaudy 80s jewelry and over the top makeup. Hawt. We had to sing a song too; we did "The Final Countdown", but we didn't practice and none of us knew the words, so at the last minute we decided to coverup our inequities with a human triangle! I was in the second row, and I was the first to collapse. lol Missing link of the human triangle = me.

This party was essentially the most unprofessional staff event ever. Free and unlimited alcohol to bar workers, who are notorious believers in the "work hard, play hard" philosophy is a recipe for disaster. It is expected that every one will be smashed, fraternizing like rabbits will occur, and something will probably get irrevocably broken. Last year someone actually died, but not really. They CPRed him back. lol Its funny because he's not dead, and he was there this year, and that was how I was introduced to him, as the guy who died at the last Peach Party. Aaaaanyway. By the end of the night, the people who were serving the alcohol had left and it became a free for all. The guy who started the company, Lee, was standing at the bar with his shirt ripped open screaming that if you wanted a drink you had to get naked. Then he was wrestling someone on the ground and eventually this turned into a massive fight of dousing everyone in alcohol. How do things like this happen in real life? lol I had my fair share of debauchery as well, in the form of a cute Australian boy *smirk*

Now its back to work and reality; I suspect service will not be the best this evening, as almost the entire staff is hungover :P
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[15 Jun 2010|05:35pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Tomorrow is my first big trip outta Cranleigh! ALL the way out of Cranleigh...to Africa! I'm going to Morocco tomorrow! 30+ degrees, sunny, beaches, roof-top pool in my hotel, palm trees and camels! Oh my!

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[24 May 2010|05:50pm]
Update from the UK:

I've been in Cranleigh for 3 weeks! It seems like I've been here forever. The job is good, hard work sometimes. I work double shifts most days, which equals 12 hours of work with a two hour break in the middle, and I work a total of 48 hours per week -- which is much more than the 10 hours per week + 9 hours of school I was accustomed to this last year. But its good! I'm not as terrible a waitress as I imagined I would be (though I don't think I would ever be able to work in a classy restaurant -- I have neither the charm & grace, nor the tolerance for inanity to do it; pub-style I can handle though). Unfortunately, tips are not as good here as they would be in Canada, but it does help a little.

I've been out on a few adventures; I went to Guildford for a day, and spent two days in Chichester and Brighton. Brighton is my favorite spot so far. I might be going to Warwick tomorrow on a training thing for work. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do, but I will gladly take a trip anywhere if the company will pay for it. I'm hoping that whatever this training is, it doesn't take all day, and maybe I will have some time to explore Warwick. And if I get really lucky, maybe it will be quite short and I will have time to go to Stratford-upon-Avon, which is very close to Warwick (just 20 minutes by train) and would be very nice to see. But I probably won't have time. So other time. Later in the summer I plan to go to Oxford, so maybe I'll extend that trip a little and take in Stratford-upon-Avon then.

I'm planning a trip to Morocco in a couple weeks. A friend from school will be there between her trip to Tanzania and to Spain, so I hope to meet up with her. I'm taking 4 days, which isn't a lot of time, but it will be fun. I will probably spend 2 days in Agadir (which is where Cathy is going), and maybe take a 1.5 days to either Marrakech or Essaouira. I'd love to see Marrakech, but Essaouira is much closer to Agadir, and it would be a lot of time wasted traveling to and from (my flight gets into and leaves from Agadir, so I;d have to go back there). But..I haven't decided yet. :)

Other than that, I've been staying close to home this week, and probably will stay close to home til I go to Morocco. Can't afford to be going on trips every week, especially since I haven't gotten a pay cheque yet. There are a lot of walking/hiking trails around here, so I plan to explore on my days off. I went on a walk on Friday, but I didn't really know where I was going. I just followed some marked trails; it was pretty, but I got lost a bit, and I ended up walking back to Cranleigh on the road, which isn't as nice. I also fell down a hill, fell on my ass, and was attacked by a plant, multiple times. And I found a bee hive; not a natural beehive, but a man-made one. With a lot of bees. I didn't realize it was there until I was right next to it. Then I ran away.

The guy I met in London last year has just moved back to London (he moved back to Canada when his visa expired). Hopefully I can meet up with him some time. It would be lovely to know someone outside of the restaurant. lol I work here, I live here, and the only people in the country that I know are either employees or customers here. I'm feeling a little like I live in a box, so it will be nice to have some other social contact. I just work too much to meet anyone else. And I am still the same socially-challenged person I was in Canada soooo... Changing countries doesn't change much really.

Anyway, back to work in 10 minutes. The next two days off! Excited!
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UK - Day 1 [01 May 2010|05:42pm]
I arrived in London this morning. It doesn't even feel real yet. I can't even say I was super excited to get here; I just can't process it (also, I'm sick, so that inhibits excess excitement).

I got almost no sleep on the plane; its only a 6 hour flight, and it took 1.5 hours for them to hand out snacks and turn off the lights, and they turned the lights back on for breakfast 1.5 hours before we landed...so that only leaves, at best, 3 hours for sleep (which I did not get). But I'm still awake! I'll hit the sack early tonight, and hopefully tomorrow morning I will be all set on UK time :)

I got into the city a little after 12:00, and checked into my hostel, and walked around for awhile. Walked around Southwark up to Tower Bridge, and then took the tube to Trafalgar Square, where there was some sort of protest going on. Not sure what it was about. I got my cell phone (oops, my "mobile") set up. I came back to the hostel after that, and I was going to go search for a mall to pick up a few things I forgot, but I didn't get very far. It started to rain, then hail, then pour; by the time I got back to the hostel, I was completely drenched. English rain is not pleasant! I think I will stay in for the rest of the evening, and try to find a mall tomorrow. I think I will also go to the National Gallery tomorrow. Its supposed to rain all day, so indoor activities are good :)

I will head to Cranleigh Monday evening, and I start work on Tuesday!!! I'm excited to start work, and start getting settled in. I think this will all seem a lot more real then :)

There will be pictures from today on Facebook later, if anyone is interested! :)
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[28 Apr 2010|07:41pm]
[ mood | excited ]

I officially have a job in England! I soooo relieved. The decision to go to England for the summer was not made with much foresight, and my financial situation is...well, let's just say moving to another country is extremely irresponsible at this time. :P

But this job is in a restaurant, and it has live-in accommodations, so I don't have to worry about finding a place or putting up any money upfront. And I will get tips daily, so at least I'll have some spending money without dipping into the credit card any more (hopefully). I think I will be very very conservative for the first month until I get a paycheque or two. I am postponing my trip to Berlin; I'd rather start work right away and go later. The good thing about my job is that I will have two consecutive days off every week, and I can arrange to have a morning shift the day before and/or an evening shift the day after, so there will be lots of opportunity for small trips (and Berlin is still on the list! just at a later date).

Anyway, the job: its at a restaurant in Cranleigh, which is near Guildford, which is about 45 minutes from London by train. Cranleigh is a large village which looks lovely. The whole of South England looks lovely. I think I will do some day trips around the South of England during days off in May. I still intend to go to Chichester sometime in May and see Patrick Stewart in a play (in case I didn't mention that before...Patrick Stewart, live theatre!!!!!), and I would like to go to London and see MacBeth at the Globe. I am very excited for theatre! Mom and I went to see Peter Pan at Neptune last weekend, and it was lovely! I regret that theatre is not easily (or cheaply) accessible in Halifax.

I can't believe I am leaving in two days. It hasn't sunk in yet. I still have so much to do; I have to clean up my apartment and get it ready for the subletter; I have pre-school screening practicum tomorrow and a wrapup meeting Friday morning; I might have another meeting friday afternoon if anyone bothers to respond to an email. I re-packed my things today, and I think I am satisfied with my choice of clothing. Its very hard to pack just one suitcase for a whole summer; its not that I can't live without a large wardrobe, its just that I need to pack for all occasions. I need work clothes, everyday clothes, and if I want to go hiking or something physical, I need something other than jeans. I need sandles and work shoes and sneakers, and hiking boots (I intend to climb things this summer; Wales - Snowdonia; Scotland highlands; Alps [foothills, lets not get carried away] and if I do end up in India, Himalayans [again, foothills]; I would also loooove to get to Reykjavik, Mt Esja). Anyway, its hard to pick multi-functional clothes.

The next time I update will probably be from England...!

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Adventure #1 [03 Apr 2010|06:52pm]
[ mood | excited ]

I am completely incapable of focusing on schoolwork right now. And I still have two weeks to go of class and exams, and quite a lot of thesis work that needs to be done before I leave. But all I want to do is look at maps and train & flight timetables and plan trips all over the world. -sigh-

My trip to Berlin is mostly planned. Flight is booked, hostel is booked. I leave London May 3rd reeeeally early -- like, my flight leaves at 6:25am, so I have to leave my hostel no later than 3:30am to get there on time. Also, this will be my third day in Europe, so 3:30am will feel like 11:30pm...I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but suffice to say my sleeping habits are going to be f'ed up the first week of May :P (but I don't mind!).

I'll get to Berlin around 9ish, head to my hostel in the city and check in. Then I'm going to walk around and see the sights: what's left of the Berlin Wall, the memorial, Checkpoint Charlie, the city gates, some old beautiful & bombed churches, a few palaces, and whatever else strikes my eye as I wander about the city. Early to bed after that I suspect.

Day 2 -- the Zoo!

Berlin's zoo has the largest selection of species in the world! And there's an aquarium. I intend to spend most of the day in the zoo :D Soooo excited for the zoo! (I realize of course, that there is a perfectly acceptable zoo in London as well, but I want to see German monkeys!).

I think I will go to a museum after the zoo. Probably the DDR Museum, which is an interactive museum which highlights life in the GDR. Its supposed to be quite good. There are, of course, a lot of museums which focus on the less pleasant bits of German history, but I don't think I want to explore those on this trip. It will be my first week in Europe; I will be happy and excited and full of life, and I think its not the time to take a trip through Holocaust history. And I feel strangely guilty about that fact; that I don't want to explore that side of Berlin; I feel like I have an obligation to...history? to the memory of the people? to I don't know what, which is rather absurd (its not as though I have any connection to WWII, Germany, Judaism, etc.). And its not that I don't want to; I definitely do want to...someday. Not this trip. I am going to be exhausted and emotionally drained (from the excitement) and I will most likely be a weepy, soppy mess if I go to those places. So I will selfishly cling to my light-hearted happiness for this trip, and some other time take the time to appreciate history.

And...Day 3. I'm going to go to the TV tower, which is the tallest structure in Berlin. I have made a habit of going up really really high in every city I visit in order to see the city from that vantage point; Berlin will get the same treatment. Maybe after I've been to a few dozen cities, I will compile a photo album of the cityscapes. That would be interesting.
There's a restuarant at the top of the TV tower, which is not terribly exorbitantly overpriced. I'm going to have breakfast there, overlooking the city. Then I will got to the Gardens of the World, which is a large garden that has a Chinese garden, Japanese garden, Korean garden, and a few others (I forget). It looks beautiful! And then its back to the airport and back to London around suppertime.

Adventure #1 !!! (of many, I'm sure)


Some other exciting possibilities in the coming months:
1. My friend Joanne (who lives in BC and I haven't seen in years) is going to be in Paris in June! I hope I can go meet up with her! I cannot imagine a greater place to meet up with Joanne than Paris; it seems very...appropriate. :)

2. My brother is heading back in to India shortly (he was in Thailand the last 2 months). There is a slight possibility (NO idea of the feasibility yet) that he may venture westward later in the summer, while I venture eastward, and we will meet somewhere halfway. That would be wonderful! I'm rooting for Istanbul -- its a good halfway point and I think it would be a wonderful place to visit! Somewhere in Russia would also be quite acceptable. :) I think, if we do meet up, I will fly to the destination, and take the train back across Europe. That would be so amazing! I want to do a North-South trip across Europe; if I could do an East-West one as well, it would be a complete European adventure!

:D :D

Expect much excitement and adventure over the coming months! (feel free to live vicariously!)

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[23 Mar 2010|05:29pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Its official: 38 days from now I will board a plane for London, UK and not come back for 4 months ^_^

I got my Visa confirmation today, and booked my flight. I got a subletter for my apartment. Now all I need is a job and place to live in London :) :)

Ive also planned my first excursion. Destination: Berlin! Before I get a job and get settled, I'm going to go to Berlin for a few days. I found a really cheap flight (12 pounds! total!! <3 Ryanair). So I arrive in London May 1st, I'm there for two nights (during which I will set up a bank account, a cell phone, and hand out a gajillion resumes) and to Berlin for two nights, and back to London (when hopefully some of those gajillion resumes pan out into a job *fingers crossed*).

I'm super excited! 38 days is such a short period of time! :D :D :D

Best.decision.ever.

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[24 Feb 2010|10:23pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Exciting news: I applied for SWAP Britain today :) :) I will hopefully leave May 1st, and come back the first week of September. I wish I could go longer, but that's all the time I have! Its my LAST 4 months of freedom; freedom to just take off, and do whatever I want, without responsibilities and long-term consequences. That is such a terrifying realization.

I intend to live in London, and do some traveling while I'm there. Discount flights from London to various locations around Europe can be as little as 5 pounds each way; so I will take many cheap, brief trips to whereever is cheapest on any given series of a few days off work. Hopefully I find a job that is has fair flexability, or at least, has definite days off (like a Mon-Fri), so I can plan 2-3 day trips. I also intend to do a proper 2-3 week backpacking at the end of the summer, which will most likely start in Amsterdam, and end in Morocco (slight detour out of Europe :) ). I definitely want to also go to Cork, some place in Scotland, various parts of England inc. Bath and Stonehenge, Reykjavik, and Paris again. I will, beyond a doubt, stand both in the Mediterranean, and upon the Alps at before this summer is elapsed.

Its very exciting! I can't wait!

I can't really afford to be doing this, but as I said, its my last summer of freedom, and there are more important things in life than money (plus, it doesn't hurt that I'm guaranteed to be making $60000+/yr in a little over 2 years).

Two months!! :O

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[23 Jan 2010|02:06am]
[ mood | lonely ]

This was probably apparently obvious to everyone but me, but coming to St John's = worst idea ever. I mean, I'm going to have fun the next few days with Amy and visiting some other people, but how on earth did I think anything good would come of seeing Brian? Ive been here three hours and my heart is breaking all over again.

I dont know what I was expecting. I guess it didnt help walking into couple-central, with Greg and Michelle cuddled on one couch, and Adam and Steph on the other, showing off the engagement ring. Then another of Brian's friends comes over talking about the baby him and his girlfriend just had. And I'm alone. Alone and lonely. And probably Brian feels the same way, but regardless, we're lonely together, which is just about the worst feeling ever.

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[19 Jan 2010|07:37pm]
Can't remember the last time I updated. Things have been great! My class schedule is RIDICULOUS, in a good way. I have class Wed 1-4, and Thurs 9-4. And two friday mornings. That's it until March. Its hilarious; I left school Thursday after class, and I was on weekend for 6 days (-3 hours). It will be weird to have class tomorrow, I've forgotten what its like.
In March, however, all this down time will come back to haunt me. I'm supposed to have 5 classes per semester; right now I have three, because I have advanced standing for one (which means I don't have to take it), and the other one is taught by the guy who basically started my school and can thus do whatever he wants. And what he wants is to spend most of the winter in Florida and only pop back up to Halifax for 3 1/2 weeks to teach his course, condensed hardcore. So in March, I will have his class 4 times per week (which includes 3 ENTIRE Fridays, from 9am - 4pm with an hour lunch gaaaaah). NOT looking forward to March at all. :(

But since I have lots of days with no classes now, I've been working a lot. Work is fantastic; I really really enjoy it, even if my boss can be a bit of a jerk sometimes. Before I started working there, a couple second years warned me and Jessica (my classmate who also works there) that he's a jerk and its terrible, etc, etc. But I think we were so prepared for him being terrible, and he's not actually that bad, that we're desensitized to his slight jerk-ness..if that makes sense. He's really just sarcastic and snarky sometimes, and nit-picky. Like, he always comments that my printing isnt neat enough, even though HIS printing is barely legible. But it really doesn't bother me, so its no big deal! And its not really all that often that he's snarky. And Jessica and I always laugh about it, cause he's snarky to both of us. It works out.

Anyway, the job itself is going really well. Its still a bit awkward sometimes, cause I don't know everything and it will take a long time before I do know everything. But its coming along. I can do a lot of the office stuff, like invoicing and billing and filing things, pretty well now, and I can clean hearing aids and deal with the clients as they come in pretty well. I know how to do enough to keep busy, and the day just flies by. I don't know why, but I love working in an office; it sounds boring, but I like going and looking for files, and calling companies to order things, and doing the paperwork. I always smile when I have a pile of files in my arms. I'm such a dork haha :)

Yesterday and today were particularly great, because I was presented with a couple different problems that I was able to solve from beginning to end by myself. One was a client who's funded through community services who needed a new ear mold; so I talked to her, then looked up her file and called her case worker and got authorization, and called her back to make an appointment. And, yes, its silly, but it feels good to be able to go through the steps to solve the problems without asking my boss a million questions. Another time, a guy came in with a hearing aid that was "broken"; it wasnt his, he was bringing it in for someone else who was in the hospital. So I cleaned it up, and it wasnt broken, it was just full of ear wax. So I counselled him on how to clean it, and showed him what was wrong and how to fix it, and it was all fine. Again, just being able to fix a problem by myself was great.

I'm starting to get some work done on my thesis. Well, not real work yet, but doing research and I'm meeting my committee on Friday. My supervisor suggested that I explain my project to them, which is good; I think I would feeling like I'm not contributing anything if Dr Aiken explained it. I'm really not contributing much at this point; its all Dr Aiken's idea, because I don't know enough about audiology to be able to come up with my own idea at this point. All I can do is ask questions and look interested. And even asking questions takes a certain amount of knowledge. I'm getting there and starting to understand it, but I still need to learn sooooo much more. But at least I understand my project and I think I can explain it to my committee. I can't wait till this semester is over; I feel like there's going to be a lot of really useful information in this semester, much more than last semester, and by the end of it, hopefully, I will have a better grasp on audiological research, and about my future career in general. :)



I'm heading to St John's this weekend, which is going to be great! I can't believe its been FIVE MONTHS since I've been there, since I have seen Brian and Amy. Its bizarre. I'm curious how the dynamic between Brian and me is going to be. Is it going to awkward and weird? Comfortable? Same as always? Don't know. I feel like it might be awkward, if we don't know how to act around each other. I don't know how to be the "ex-girlfriend". I want to just be the "friend", but I don't know how to do that. Like, for example, Amy asked me if me and Brian would come over on Saturday and have dinner and play cranium with her and her boyfriend. And, if this were last summer, I would say yea for sure, I'll check with Brian to make sure. But, I feel like now, I have no right or perogative to check with Brian. She really can't invite "me and Brian" anywhere; she can invite "me" and "brian", but we're not longer an "us" to invite. So its weird for me to even tentatively say yes for us both. I ended up asking him if he wanted to, and I think that's fine, but I'm not sure if Amy shouldn't have asked us separately, as individuals. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I feel like I need to be aware of the circumstances and not fall into the routine of "us".
It's weird too to know where the friend line is. Brian is going to pick me up at the airport, and I felt weird about asking him to. But really, if, for example, Amy had a car, I would unquestionably ask her to pick me up from the airport. Its not far outside the city, and for someone with a car, its a small task. And certainly a task that its not unreasonable to ask of a friend. But I guess I didn't want to seem presumptuous. :/ I am thinking way to much about this. It will be better when I get there, and I can actually see and talk to him in person and read how the interaction is going to be. Its hard with only Facebook and MSN conversations; I don't have any idea what's behind the words.

We're both also still single, and I might stay with him....we'll see what happens there....

Now I've got to get some work one. I had only 2 possible hours to get any work done today, and I've wasted one of them already. Hitting the books now!
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[10 Dec 2009|07:55pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I cannot even begin to describe how tired I am right now. Sleep has not been my friend lately, and I have a final exam tomorrow morning. And another one Monday. And a take-home due Wednesday. gaaaah, is it over yet?

Classes are done at least, and two out of five classes are complete. I'm looking forward to the break, working a bit, and then next semester, starting fresh. This semester hasn't been very hard school-wise, but too much adjusting. I just want everything to feel normal again. I know I have put myself out there socially much more than any other point in my life, but I still feel like I have no real friends, just a lot of acquaintances, and its been really sad and lonely lately. And, I'm progressively getting worse and worse at dealing with this whole being single thing. It sucks super hard, and I'm not sure if its just being in a relationship that I miss or if the object of my pining is a lot more specific...

I'm afraid of drifting apart from him. Relationship or not, I want to always be his friend, and I don't know how plausible that is. And maybe that's not the best idea anyway, maybe it would be easier to "move on" if we didn't talk so frequently. But I don't think I'm prepared to give him up.



Studying now. One more coffee and whatever I can get read during its consumption. Then sleep!

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For the Health of it 2009! [30 Nov 2009|11:15am]
For the Health of it was saturday night (that was the play I was in), and we ROCKED IT like superstars! It went off perfectly (except a minor technical glitch in the opening video, but not our fault!). The audience loved us, and WE WON BEST OVERALL PERFORMANCE! Woo Woo! Take that other health professions (there were a total of 8 school performing, but none of them were as good as the School of Human Communication Disorders woo woo!). We were amazing. We had rapping, dancing, violins! Everything!

It was sooooo much fun! I can't believe its over now. It was such a rush to be up on stage in front of a nearly sold-out auditorium. And I was one of the main characters, so it really feels even more amazing that we won. I helped us win! woo woo!

Mom bought a dvd of the show, so when I get my hands on it, our performance will surely be uploaded to Facebook, so everyone can see how awesome we were (and I can see how awesome we were, cause I've never seen us perform!).

But until then, here's a picture of us during the dance.

ROCK STARS!Collapse )
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[20 Nov 2009|09:12pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

So I've worked two days at the Audio clinic, and its been GREAT. The first day was mostly watching, but today, I knew enough to be useful. I did mostly filing and organizing, and some cleaning, but still...useful :P I know how to bill Worker's Comp and Veteran Affairs, and I kinda know what all the different piles of files mean (lol, there are A LOT of different piles of files). And BONUS, my boss gave me and Jessica (the other girl who just started with me) each a box seat ticket to the Stone Temple Pilot concert next week. I've never had box seats before! Woo! Job with perks!
I like that my classmate started at the same time as me, and we have (so far) worked together. It makes those moments when I don't know what to do much easier, and we can help each other. I think this is going to be really really good :)

The date was a successful practice date, but that's it. No spark. Oh well, practice for next time!

This weekend is going to be SCHOOL weekend (except for the Parade of Lights tomorrow night). I have my first final exam in SIX days (but its neuro, so I'm not too concerned), and I have two presentations and two papers to finish. I can't believe this semester is almost over!!! I can't wait for next semester, we get to do so much more relevant stuff. AND hands-on stuff. We have to do some time in the student clinic (I think just watching the second years for now), and in April, we will be doing preschool hearing tests. I can't wait! I think it will really start to sink in then that this is my CAREER. I have a career! (almost)


Next weekend is For the Health of it! (the play I'm in). Yesterday, I tried relentlessly to find orange tights for my costume (Plan A: buy orange tights, paint black tiger stripes on them), but the only pair I can find are at American Apparel for a ridiculous $32. I refuse to pay $32 for tights! Soooo, I paid $4 for some orange fabric and made my own! They aren't good, but they're good enough! I need to get an elastic for the waist band, hem them, and maybe a bit more tailoring of the more obvious bunchy parts, and then paint them, and then I will have tiger tights! Rawr!

I think I might actually be good at sewing if I had any patience at all. I always seem to work out something without too much effort, but its the little details that I ignore. Maybe someday I will get a pattern and really try to make something good. But I have to get my foot pedal fixed first. It broke at some point between Nfld and here, and is now stuck permanently on, which means, no speed control. Its on or off, and on means super fast and out-of-control sewing. sooo, pretty much straight lines are all my sewing machine is capable of right now. But hopefully I can buy a new foot pedal for it...we'll see.

Now for chilling out the rest of the evening with some cheese, grapes, red wine and Nevermind the Buzzcocks!

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[09 Nov 2009|11:30pm]
[ mood | excited ]

First date success! Second date lined up!

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Self-reflection and personal growth [07 Nov 2009|09:36pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

I've recently realized that, despite how difficult it was, moving to Halifax was the best thing I've ever done. Actually, perhaps I should say because of how difficult it was. I think for the past few years I was in a substantial rut. It occurred to me some time ago, that for the first time in my life, my life was consistent and stable, and I went a few years without any considerable changes. Constant relationships, employment, residence, etc. And at the time, I thought that might be a positive thing, a sign that I was "growing up" and past the flightiness of youth, but, in retrospect, I think that was a definite sign of being in a rut. Change is a goodthing. That's a difficult concept to embrace. Immobility is easy, but often what is easy is not what is good or useful.

Since I've moved to Halifax, I have abandoned everything I knew in my previous life. I left a relationship of 5.5 years; I left friends, acquaintances, a job, everything. And I was terrified. I was terrified I would absolutely fail to make friends; I was terrified that I would not be as successful at school as I was in my undergrad (which was extended for much longer than necessary because I was afraid of graduating and taking that next step), and I was terrified I would never find another relationship. But all of my fears are not only proving unfounded, but I am excelling where I've never excelled before.

School.
I was disconcerted for the first month or so, because I didn't immediately understand everything. That sound ridiculous, of course, but that is how my mind thinks. I am GOOD AT SCHOOL. Period. It is the central component of my identity, and having that doubted for even a second shakes the core of my being. Previously, if I was doubting my ability to be an excellent student, I gave up. I didn't try. Because, of course, if I didn't try, I couldn't fail, right? And that marks most of highschool and the first few years of university. But, now...I doubted myself, I tried anyway, and I excelled beyond my own expectations, let alone anyone else's. I was terrifed especially that I wouldn't be as good as my peers in a program that only accepts 9 people, who, of course, excelled just as much as me during their undergraduate degrees. But I am their equals afterall.

Friends.
The last few years in St John's, I was a social nightmare. Amy and Brian were my only close friends; I had brief acquaintances with many others, but I could never step over that line into friendship. Thus, moving to Halifax where I know no one was terrifying. Admittedly, I still struggle with crossing that "friendship line", but I'm progressing.

Employment.
I might have a job, working in an audiology clinic. The opportunity came to be by chance alone, but the grasping of the opportunity was all me. A classmate told me of an audiology clinic in Bedford, the owner of which likes to hire students. She gave me the owner's phone number, and I called him and initiated the conversation which might lead to a very good job. I am going to go in on Friday to speak with him further, but I think, from our conversation on the phone, that I most likely have the job.

Romance?
Ah, the biggest fear of all! Because, of course, I am only human, (and a girl), being alone is a terrible terrible fear. And I realize that it only gets more difficult the older I get to meet someone. AND, it becomes all the more imperative, the older I get, to find someone that I can really connect with. That being said, none of that has happened yet. lol BUT I do have a date tomorrow night, and furthermore, this is a date that came into being entirely by MY own action. Last weekend I was at a bar and, under the influence of much alcohol, I approached a guy to dance with me. Now, truthfully, that was alcohol acting, not me. But, I got his phone number (he had nothing with which to write down mine, and I had a cell phone which could easily record his), and then later, NOT under the influence of alcohol, I worked up the courage to call him and set up a date. And thus, tomorrow I will go on my first date in over 5 years, and the second first date I have ever gone on in my life. I am TERRIFIED. But pleased with myself.



So, the point of this very long journal entry, is that I have had exponential self-growth in the past few months since I began this new life in Halifax. And though I miss Brian, of course, and I miss aspects of my previous life, I wouldn't undo it for the world, because I am an amazingly better person for it. AND though the things that were difficult before are still difficult, they are not TOO difficult. They are not outside my ability to achieve, and the things that I am capable of achieving are that much clearer to me. I CAN DO ANYTHING. I don't believe it fully yet, but I am on the path to discovering this wholly important truth within myself.

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[29 Oct 2009|05:18pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

Got my Neuro midterm back today....98%...highest mark in the class, again (though, this time, I was tied with someone else)

Tomorrow's my last midterm. Going for the hat-trick! :P

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[27 Oct 2009|10:06pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Happy almost Halloween :)

I was learning the Thriller dance at jazz dance tonight. I don't know very much, but I need to know the clawed-arm move (do you know what I'm talking about?) for my "trick" in the dance part of the play. Yeah, the easiest Thriller move is hardly a trick, I know, but its all I can do. (Actually, I can't do it yet, but I'm practicing!)

I'm dressing up as a lion for Halloween. I need to buy some tights though because my costume is far too slutty the way it is. Actually, its kinda beyond slutty; its just too short to wear and actually call a dress. So...tights! And I'll call it a long shirt. lol. But its otherwise cute, just made for a much shorter person.

My last midterm of the semester is in three days. There was a quiz today in the same class, and I got 10/10. Go me! I failed the first quiz, but it was only 5 questions, and since a 70 is a pass, two questions wrong out of five means faaaail. But thats okay, its just one quiz.

Somewhere in the past two weeks, I've gained the reputation as the class..know-it-all? Keener? um..I don't know what to call it. But we had a quiz today, and as I was quietly reviewing, I was bombarded with people asking me to explain things. And I came home tonight, and there's messages on facebook, asking me to explain things. Its kinda nice :P But I don't have all the answers. Actually, one of the people who asked me a question earlier today, what I told him was completely wrong, and it turned out to be a question on the midterm, but (fortunately?) I didn't explain it very well because he put the exact opposite of what I said, which turned out to be the right answer. lol Sooo....maybe people shouldn't be coming to me for help.

I like that graduate school isn't any harder than undergraduate. What I like even more (even though I know its not important, it doesn't matter, its just my pride and vanity, etc etc etc) is that I measure up (and exceed!) all my classmates, who are clearly very smart, university-oriented people to have gotten into the program in the first place...and I'm still the smart one. It shouldn't matter, I know, and I wouldn't admit it out loud to anyone, but it makes me very very pleased with myself. And, despite this very boastful and probably irritating post, I don't think I act at all like I am pleased with myself. I like being able to help other people; I hope it does them good. :)

Anyway, Travis and I have been out for more coffee. Less awkward pauses, more enjoyable conversation. But I've come to the conclusion that we disagree on just about everything. LOL It's very amusing. I still enjoy the conversation and the company, but I don't think I've ever met someone (who's company I enjoyed) who I was more incompatible with. :P But I like having friends to disagree with. It makes conversation interesting, and I like to debate opinions.

I'm going to a Halloween party on Saturday. It won't be the same as the traditional St John's Halloween parties at Shara's, where adventure and good times always occurred, and Brian I never got home before dawn. *sigh* Well, I guess last year wasn't at Shara's, and wasn't with Brian, but there was still adventure and daytime cab rides home :P. I suspect this year, the adventure will be of the more alcoholic kind and less the more fun kind. That being said, a bunch of us are chipping in to produce some 13 litres of "Blackout Punch"....so, the alcoholic adventure will still be in large supply! After midterms and the last couple weeks, we (as in classmates) will all need a healthy amount of blackout punch, I'm sure. :P

Time for bed soon! (I hope! Sleep has not been my friend lately)

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[19 Oct 2009|04:03pm]
First graduate-level midterm last week.

Result: highest mark in the class (96%).

*dances*




Also, I got a very respectable B+ on my first essay. I hate essays, do a B+ is awesome. (plus, a B+ is really an 80-85, which translates as A in my world).
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[17 Oct 2009|02:53pm]
Owwwwwwwwwwwww

I hurt.

I've been taking a kickboxing class and its amazing and painful. I feel like gravity just got way stronger, and I can no longer compete with it. Damn gravity...

But other than the pain, its awesome. I like punching things, its fun :)


I'm also doing jazz dance and yoga. Unemployment is so good for me!

I had my first graduate level midterm this week and I rocked it. Can't wait to get my grade back. That'll be a self-esteem booster. But, in other school news, I will be getting my first essay back on Monday, which probably will NOT be a self-esteem booster. Not at all.

I'm going to be in a play! The details are top-secret, but I impulsively volunteered for a speaking role and I'm very nervous (fortunately, my character stutters).

It turns out Travis and I had enough smalltalk built up from 5 years of not seeing each other to get through 1.5 coffee dates. And then awkwardness ensued. Yeah. And he doesn't want a relationship, and I'm not so sure I want, so, that's a bust. And I'm back to the question of how one finds people to date as a grown-up! And what to do once one has acquired a date. Its a mystery! But I guess it will all come together someday. :)

Finally, the most interesting thing that happened today: Gizmo fell into the toilet. I laughed. :)
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