NoMemories

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 23:55:02 GMT

I cannot even begin to describe how tired I am right now. Sleep has not been my friend lately, and I have a final exam tomorrow morning. And another one Monday. And a take-home due Wednesday. gaaaah, is it over yet?

Classes are done at least, and two out of five classes are complete. I'm looking forward to the break, working a bit, and then next semester, starting fresh. This semester hasn't been very hard school-wise, but too much adjusting. I just want everything to feel normal again. I know I have put myself out there socially much more than any other point in my life, but I still feel like I have no real friends, just a lot of acquaintances, and its been really sad and lonely lately. And, I'm progressively getting worse and worse at dealing with this whole being single thing. It sucks super hard, and I'm not sure if its just being in a relationship that I miss or if the object of my pining is a lot more specific...

I'm afraid of drifting apart from him. Relationship or not, I want to always be his friend, and I don't know how plausible that is. And maybe that's not the best idea anyway, maybe it would be easier to "move on" if we didn't talk so frequently. But I don't think I'm prepared to give him up.

Studying now. One more coffee and whatever I can get read during its consumption. Then sleep!

For the Health of it 2009!

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:15:06 GMT

For the Health of it was saturday night (that was the play I was in), and we ROCKED IT like superstars! It went off perfectly (except a minor technical glitch in the opening video, but not our fault!). The audience loved us, and WE WON BEST OVERALL PERFORMANCE! Woo Woo! Take that other health professions (there were a total of 8 school performing, but none of them were as good as the School of Human Communication Disorders woo woo!). We were amazing. We had rapping, dancing, violins! Everything!

It was sooooo much fun! I can't believe its over now. It was such a rush to be up on stage in front of a nearly sold-out auditorium. And I was one of the main characters, so it really feels even more amazing that we won. I helped us win! woo woo!

Mom bought a dvd of the show, so when I get my hands on it, our performance will surely be uploaded to Facebook, so everyone can see how awesome we were (and I can see how awesome we were, cause I've never seen us perform!).

But until then, here's a picture of us during the dance.

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 01:12:50 GMT

So I've worked two days at the Audio clinic, and its been GREAT. The first day was mostly watching, but today, I knew enough to be useful. I did mostly filing and organizing, and some cleaning, but still...useful :P I know how to bill Worker's Comp and Veteran Affairs, and I kinda know what all the different piles of files mean (lol, there are A LOT of different piles of files). And BONUS, my boss gave me and Jessica (the other girl who just started with me) each a box seat ticket to the Stone Temple Pilot concert next week. I've never had box seats before! Woo! Job with perks!
I like that my classmate started at the same time as me, and we have (so far) worked together. It makes those moments when I don't know what to do much easier, and we can help each other. I think this is going to be really really good :)

The date was a successful practice date, but that's it. No spark. Oh well, practice for next time!

This weekend is going to be SCHOOL weekend (except for the Parade of Lights tomorrow night). I have my first final exam in SIX days (but its neuro, so I'm not too concerned), and I have two presentations and two papers to finish. I can't believe this semester is almost over!!! I can't wait for next semester, we get to do so much more relevant stuff. AND hands-on stuff. We have to do some time in the student clinic (I think just watching the second years for now), and in April, we will be doing preschool hearing tests. I can't wait! I think it will really start to sink in then that this is my CAREER. I have a career! (almost)

Next weekend is For the Health of it! (the play I'm in). Yesterday, I tried relentlessly to find orange tights for my costume (Plan A: buy orange tights, paint black tiger stripes on them), but the only pair I can find are at American Apparel for a ridiculous $32. I refuse to pay $32 for tights! Soooo, I paid $4 for some orange fabric and made my own! They aren't good, but they're good enough! I need to get an elastic for the waist band, hem them, and maybe a bit more tailoring of the more obvious bunchy parts, and then paint them, and then I will have tiger tights! Rawr!

I think I might actually be good at sewing if I had any patience at all. I always seem to work out something without too much effort, but its the little details that I ignore. Maybe someday I will get a pattern and really try to make something good. But I have to get my foot pedal fixed first. It broke at some point between Nfld and here, and is now stuck permanently on, which means, no speed control. Its on or off, and on means super fast and out-of-control sewing. sooo, pretty much straight lines are all my sewing machine is capable of right now. But hopefully I can buy a new foot pedal for it...we'll see.

Now for chilling out the rest of the evening with some cheese, grapes, red wine and Nevermind the Buzzcocks!

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:31:02 GMT

First date success! Second date lined up!

Self-reflection and personal growth

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 01:57:49 GMT

I've recently realized that, despite how difficult it was, moving to Halifax was the best thing I've ever done. Actually, perhaps I should say because of how difficult it was. I think for the past few years I was in a substantial rut. It occurred to me some time ago, that for the first time in my life, my life was consistent and stable, and I went a few years without any considerable changes. Constant relationships, employment, residence, etc. And at the time, I thought that might be a positive thing, a sign that I was "growing up" and past the flightiness of youth, but, in retrospect, I think that was a definite sign of being in a rut. Change is a goodthing. That's a difficult concept to embrace. Immobility is easy, but often what is easy is not what is good or useful.

Since I've moved to Halifax, I have abandoned everything I knew in my previous life. I left a relationship of 5.5 years; I left friends, acquaintances, a job, everything. And I was terrified. I was terrified I would absolutely fail to make friends; I was terrified that I would not be as successful at school as I was in my undergrad (which was extended for much longer than necessary because I was afraid of graduating and taking that next step), and I was terrified I would never find another relationship. But all of my fears are not only proving unfounded, but I am excelling where I've never excelled before.

School.
I was disconcerted for the first month or so, because I didn't immediately understand everything. That sound ridiculous, of course, but that is how my mind thinks. I am GOOD AT SCHOOL. Period. It is the central component of my identity, and having that doubted for even a second shakes the core of my being. Previously, if I was doubting my ability to be an excellent student, I gave up. I didn't try. Because, of course, if I didn't try, I couldn't fail, right? And that marks most of highschool and the first few years of university. But, now...I doubted myself, I tried anyway, and I excelled beyond my own expectations, let alone anyone else's. I was terrifed especially that I wouldn't be as good as my peers in a program that only accepts 9 people, who, of course, excelled just as much as me during their undergraduate degrees. But I am their equals afterall.

Friends.
The last few years in St John's, I was a social nightmare. Amy and Brian were my only close friends; I had brief acquaintances with many others, but I could never step over that line into friendship. Thus, moving to Halifax where I know no one was terrifying. Admittedly, I still struggle with crossing that "friendship line", but I'm progressing.

Employment.
I might have a job, working in an audiology clinic. The opportunity came to be by chance alone, but the grasping of the opportunity was all me. A classmate told me of an audiology clinic in Bedford, the owner of which likes to hire students. She gave me the owner's phone number, and I called him and initiated the conversation which might lead to a very good job. I am going to go in on Friday to speak with him further, but I think, from our conversation on the phone, that I most likely have the job.

Romance?
Ah, the biggest fear of all! Because, of course, I am only human, (and a girl), being alone is a terrible terrible fear. And I realize that it only gets more difficult the older I get to meet someone. AND, it becomes all the more imperative, the older I get, to find someone that I can really connect with. That being said, none of that has happened yet. lol BUT I do have a date tomorrow night, and furthermore, this is a date that came into being entirely by MY own action. Last weekend I was at a bar and, under the influence of much alcohol, I approached a guy to dance with me. Now, truthfully, that was alcohol acting, not me. But, I got his phone number (he had nothing with which to write down mine, and I had a cell phone which could easily record his), and then later, NOT under the influence of alcohol, I worked up the courage to call him and set up a date. And thus, tomorrow I will go on my first date in over 5 years, and the second first date I have ever gone on in my life. I am TERRIFIED. But pleased with myself.

So, the point of this very long journal entry, is that I have had exponential self-growth in the past few months since I began this new life in Halifax. And though I miss Brian, of course, and I miss aspects of my previous life, I wouldn't undo it for the world, because I am an amazingly better person for it. AND though the things that were difficult before are still difficult, they are not TOO difficult. They are not outside my ability to achieve, and the things that I am capable of achieving are that much clearer to me. I CAN DO ANYTHING. I don't believe it fully yet, but I am on the path to discovering this wholly important truth within myself.

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:21:23 GMT

Got my Neuro midterm back today....98%...highest mark in the class, again (though, this time, I was tied with someone else)

Tomorrow's my last midterm. Going for the hat-trick! :P

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 01:25:27 GMT

Happy almost Halloween :)

I was learning the Thriller dance at jazz dance tonight. I don't know very much, but I need to know the clawed-arm move (do you know what I'm talking about?) for my "trick" in the dance part of the play. Yeah, the easiest Thriller move is hardly a trick, I know, but its all I can do. (Actually, I can't do it yet, but I'm practicing!)

I'm dressing up as a lion for Halloween. I need to buy some tights though because my costume is far too slutty the way it is. Actually, its kinda beyond slutty; its just too short to wear and actually call a dress. So...tights! And I'll call it a long shirt. lol. But its otherwise cute, just made for a much shorter person.

My last midterm of the semester is in three days. There was a quiz today in the same class, and I got 10/10. Go me! I failed the first quiz, but it was only 5 questions, and since a 70 is a pass, two questions wrong out of five means faaaail. But thats okay, its just one quiz.

Somewhere in the past two weeks, I've gained the reputation as the class..know-it-all? Keener? um..I don't know what to call it. But we had a quiz today, and as I was quietly reviewing, I was bombarded with people asking me to explain things. And I came home tonight, and there's messages on facebook, asking me to explain things. Its kinda nice :P But I don't have all the answers. Actually, one of the people who asked me a question earlier today, what I told him was completely wrong, and it turned out to be a question on the midterm, but (fortunately?) I didn't explain it very well because he put the exact opposite of what I said, which turned out to be the right answer. lol Sooo....maybe people shouldn't be coming to me for help.

I like that graduate school isn't any harder than undergraduate. What I like even more (even though I know its not important, it doesn't matter, its just my pride and vanity, etc etc etc) is that I measure up (and exceed!) all my classmates, who are clearly very smart, university-oriented people to have gotten into the program in the first place...and I'm still the smart one. It shouldn't matter, I know, and I wouldn't admit it out loud to anyone, but it makes me very very pleased with myself. And, despite this very boastful and probably irritating post, I don't think I act at all like I am pleased with myself. I like being able to help other people; I hope it does them good. :)

Anyway, Travis and I have been out for more coffee. Less awkward pauses, more enjoyable conversation. But I've come to the conclusion that we disagree on just about everything. LOL It's very amusing. I still enjoy the conversation and the company, but I don't think I've ever met someone (who's company I enjoyed) who I was more incompatible with. :P But I like having friends to disagree with. It makes conversation interesting, and I like to debate opinions.

I'm going to a Halloween party on Saturday. It won't be the same as the traditional St John's Halloween parties at Shara's, where adventure and good times always occurred, and Brian I never got home before dawn. *sigh* Well, I guess last year wasn't at Shara's, and wasn't with Brian, but there was still adventure and daytime cab rides home :P. I suspect this year, the adventure will be of the more alcoholic kind and less the more fun kind. That being said, a bunch of us are chipping in to produce some 13 litres of "Blackout Punch"....so, the alcoholic adventure will still be in large supply! After midterms and the last couple weeks, we (as in classmates) will all need a healthy amount of blackout punch, I'm sure. :P

Time for bed soon! (I hope! Sleep has not been my friend lately)

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 19:04:38 GMT

First graduate-level midterm last week.

Result: highest mark in the class (96%).

*dances*

Also, I got a very respectable B+ on my first essay. I hate essays, do a B+ is awesome. (plus, a B+ is really an 80-85, which translates as A in my world).

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 18:00:23 GMT

Owwwwwwwwwwwww

I hurt.

I've been taking a kickboxing class and its amazing and painful. I feel like gravity just got way stronger, and I can no longer compete with it. Damn gravity...

But other than the pain, its awesome. I like punching things, its fun :)

I'm also doing jazz dance and yoga. Unemployment is so good for me!

I had my first graduate level midterm this week and I rocked it. Can't wait to get my grade back. That'll be a self-esteem booster. But, in other school news, I will be getting my first essay back on Monday, which probably will NOT be a self-esteem booster. Not at all.

I'm going to be in a play! The details are top-secret, but I impulsively volunteered for a speaking role and I'm very nervous (fortunately, my character stutters).

It turns out Travis and I had enough smalltalk built up from 5 years of not seeing each other to get through 1.5 coffee dates. And then awkwardness ensued. Yeah. And he doesn't want a relationship, and I'm not so sure I want, so, that's a bust. And I'm back to the question of how one finds people to date as a grown-up! And what to do once one has acquired a date. Its a mystery! But I guess it will all come together someday. :)

Finally, the most interesting thing that happened today: Gizmo fell into the toilet. I laughed. :)

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 12:02:58 GMT

Travis and I had communication malfunctions for a week (he lost my number, and I was calling the wrong number), but eventually we got in touch and went on a very successful coffee date, followed by some msn flirting (which, I must admit, I'm a total dork at). And also, he has a motorcycle. And because I'm a girl and not immune to such things...*swoon* lol

And thus it begins!

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 01:12:50 GMT

Things are looking up quite considerably from my last post. It was only inevitable that all the stress of socializing all week would bubble over into agonizing self-pity. But that is passed (for now).

The pub crawl was really a lot of fun; I had a great time. There was drinking (of course), shots (tasty ones), and lots of dancing.

And then, to further offset the loneliness and self-pity, I ran into an old friend in the mall, whom I haven't seen in five years. For the avid reader of this blog (if you exist), you may remember a post, five years ago, about a boy in a coffee shop who walked me home from work, during a week when Brian was in Newfoundland. A walk home which, without my very very well restrained will power could have done very bad things to Brian's and my relationship. So, I'm sure you can see where this is going. Phone numbers (and goofy smiles) were exchanged, and I'm very excited for a second go at this.

And now that classes have actually started, things are settling down into a nice routine. I signed up for a kickboxing class (twice a week) and a jazz dance class (once a week). The apathetic job hunt is still continuing, but I admit, there has been a sincere lack of effort in the past week or so. I applied for some jobs in the university but didn't get any replies. And I applied at the coffee shop I used to work at, because, despite my previous declarations of never working minimum wage again, I feel it would be therapeutic to have a job that required little to no thinking, serious commitment, or anything more than a whimsical desire to make pretty espresso drinks and get lots of free coffee. But they haven't called me either, which I don't understand. They are hiring; I worked there before; did a good job then; my supervisor at the time is the contact person (and I presume therefore in charge of hiring), and she really liked me. So, wtf? I just want to make fucking coffee for $8.60/hour. Is that asking too much? :/

I'm not too eager for a job though. I will wait and see what my student loan brings me, and then decide if I really want/need employment. It would be nice to be one of "those students" for once (you know who I'm talking about). The mastercard is taking quite a hit though (but, it has many, many more hits left in it, thankfully).

Also, this weekend is my 25th birthday. Exciting. Am I an adult now? Jury's still out!

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 21:30:12 GMT

I'm all full of negative feelings today. I'm exhausted, and completely not confident in my social skills, and, despite my rationalizing, I always feel as if everyone around me is best friends, and I'm the loner. In this particular case, nobody knows anyone, so I know I'm not the only loner, but, now that we've been in class a few days, it seems people are making friends all over the place, and I am only making acquaintances. And added bonus: I lack any real close friends to comfort me about it. Basically I feel really shitty and really alone.

When I feel like this, all I want to do is run to Brian. But I can't. I don't have him anymore either. Which also adds the panic of "will I ever find someone else".

I'm having epic flashbacks to elementary school. I always assumed someday I would magically grow some social skills, but I think now that age 25 is quickly approaching, I will have to accept that this will always be hard for me.

I'm going on a pub crawl with my class tonight, so we'll see if alcohol as a social lubricant will save the day. Or else result in over emotional responses to insignificant details.

My life sucks super hard right now. :(

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 15:14:08 GMT

My face fucking hurts. Is it over yet please? Also, I have only three tylenol 3s left, and its a long fucking weekend so I can't even call the dentist people to demand more happy drugs. Not looking forward to 18 hours from now, except maybe if mom has some tylenol 3s to lend me. :(

Aside from my pain and suffering, my apartment is awesome, my roommate and I are getting along splendidly, and even Gizmo seems oddly chipper. Its going to be good. I'm going for coffee with a classmate today who I met accidentally on the internet some time ago. I will, of course, be high as a kite for this meeting, but hopefully a good dose of caffeine will balance me out. :/

I'm going home for one last visit today, and staying until Tuesday. There are a few more things I have to collect from the house, and hopefully tylenol 3s are one of them. Then I will return on Tuesday to an empty apartment because my roommate is going to Toronto for a week. So I will have the apartment all to myself. I intend to make good use of the big old-fashioned clawfoot tub and an extra large bottle of aromatherapy foam bath.

My brother left for India yesterday morning, and is either currently on a plane or possibly in Qatar. I think he arrives in Mumbai around midnight tonight. Nosh leaves Halifax around the time that he is landing in Mumbai. Its weird that he's on the other side of the planet. I can't comprehend these huge life-changing events that keep occuring. Its like trying to picture the size of the universe; my poor human brain just can't cope.

Anyway. I have to make one more trip out for apartment accessories. Yesterday I went to Bayers' Lake and struggled home with many many bags and a very unhappy mastercard (or maybe a very happy mastercard? I suppose its working against me). Among my many purchases were a pair of sexy librarian shoes, which I am unabashedly delighted in.

Thats all from the home front.

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 15:42:42 GMT

Home.

I had my wisdom teeth out on Monday, all four of them, and I am now living on codeine and chocolate pudding. I was far too ambitious about what I thought I could eat yesterday, so my mouth was very sore this morning. My chin has been almost entirely engulfed by the swelling in my cheeks (which are no longer cute chipmunk cheeks, but simply fat).

I moved all my furniture into my new apartment on sunday, and I will be moving the rest of my stuff in on Friday. I'm excited to get moved in, and for school to start. Orientation starts next week; classes the week after that. Exciting.

K, I think its time for another nap. Or maybe more pudding.

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 18:05:03 GMT

K, so karma decided to pay me a visit.

Gizmo found her way home today! I went outside on the back deck, and I heard meowing, and then there she was! And she looks like she spent the last week at a kitty spa; nothing but a bit of grass in her tail! So Gizmo will be with me on the plane tomorrow afterall!!!

I also shipped all my stuff today, but when I went to puralator, their scale was broken so they had to guess the weight. And, of course, they guessed quite a lot under what it actually weighs. I figure I saved about $60, which is almost as much money as was robbed off me last night! Now I only need to spontaneously find a camera, and I'll break even lol

Things are looking up!

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 09:55:43 GMT

Last day. Still haven't found Gizmo. Got robbed last night at the bar. Its pretty much been a shitty week (though the bar was fun anyway and I refuse to let some skeety criminals ruin my night; money is, afterall, only money).

But the debate is now... bad things happen in three? Can my leaving be one of my three, or should I expect to contract smallpox or get hit by a car at some point today??? :/

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 17:52:30 GMT

Final week duhn duhn duhn....

And its been a pretty shitty one. Brian was sick for a couple days, so there was no quality time. My approaching exile from everything I know is not sitting well, though I think I was handling it quite well until my cat ran away. She's been gone since THursday, and there's no sign of her, which pretty much sent me over the edge and I am expecting mental breakdowns to occur on Friday if she is not with me.

Its just so goddamn unfair. I mean, way to kick me while I'm down. I lose my boyfriend of five years, I lose my friends and my comfortable life, and the one comfort that was coming with me was my cat, and now I don't have her either. And I need her. She's not just a cat, she's my cat. She only likes me, what is she going to do without me?

This really sucks on three levels: first, the obvious: I lost my cat whom I love. Second, the timing is just so brutal; it wouldve sucked anyway, but it sucks so much more now. And third, this was supposed to be Brian and my last week together, during which we'd have lovely quality time and life-lasting memories, etc, etc, but instead I'm miserable and he's miserable because he left the door open that caused her to get away, and its just shitty all around. We cancelled my going away party because I really didn't want to party. We cancelled going to dinner with his parents, because I was looking for Gizmo and he was throwing his guts out. Nothing is going the way it was supposed to go; the way that was going to make all this bearable.

Everything is fucking terrible.

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:30:42 GMT

I'm getting very excited and antsy about going home, even though there's the unhappy bits. Three weeks of nothing to do and then a whole new life? Exciiiited!

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 17:21:24 GMT

Seventeen days. Seventeen fucking days. That's such a ridiculously short period of time. And its going to go by so fast.

I'm at work now (giftshop), trying to write a social story for Justin about how I'm leaving and never coming back. Its depressing. I honestly don't think he'll have a problem with me leaving, at least not when I leave. Its a hard concept for a small child to grasp, and particularly so for an autistic child. "I'm leaving" has thus far meant, "I'm going away for now, but I will return in a day or two, or maybe a week at the most". "I'm leaving" has never meant "You will never see me again". So, I don't think he'll understand fully, until he gets a new therapist, then it might upset him. But even then, he likes new adults, he likes certain kinds of change and I think this will fall under the type he likes. But its hard to say.

Also, Brian's nephew has just started to really like me, so I'll have to tell him I'm leaving too. I'm breaking children's hearts all over the place! He came over last week, and it was the first time he remembered my name without anyone telling him. And then the next day, Brian babysat while I was at work, and he was asking about me all day. I'm his second favorite uncle... :( (he doesn't understand the difference between an aunt and a uncle, or that I'm neither of those things).

I am excited for september to come. I'm also excited for three weeks or nothing to do, sleeping in, playing with caesar (or possibly playing referee for caesar and gizmo?), doing whatever. I'm excited for my brother's wedding, though it sucks that he's leaving so soon afterwards. I'm half expecting that I won't get to see him much, considering there's all the wedding planning leading up to the 22nd, then the wedding, then only three days til he leaves and he probably has so many people to see. And once again he'll say how oh-so-important I am to him without doing anything to back it up. Its absolutely amazing how alike him and Dad are. And its depressing. :(

Anyway, that paragraph started out on a positive note, but things got out of hand. So back to the point: I am excited about many things in the near future. I can't wait to start school. I will enjoy the small class size, and living in Halifax again. My apartment is still not 100% verified (waiting for the landlord to send me a lease) but, assuming it goes as planned, it looks like the perfect spot. I hope I like my roommate, but I'm sure we will at least be friendly, if not friends. I miss living in Halifax; its very exciting to return.

I'm getting my hair chopped off today. I expect the lucky hairdresser will be thrilled; it seems like hairdressers always get an unnatural kick out of cutting off lots and lots of hair. And I'm getting close to a foot chopped off so...hairdresser wet dream? Yes, I think so. I hope it turns out looking good though! I understand a little bit now about those whiney girls on makeover shows who don't want to cut their hair. I want to cut it, and its still creates much unneeded anxiety. Its such an unimportant big decision. :P

Brian and I are going to Salmonier Nature Park this weekend, where I will (hopefully) finally see a moose! Almost five years I've been here, and no moose! Where are they hiding??? I'm excited to go; I wish I had explored more of Nfld while I lived here. You don't realize the wasted time until its time to go :( I also want to do at least one more good hike before I go. There's nothing like the East Coast Trail :) I think Brian and I will do the Quidi Vidi to Signal Hill trail next weekend, if its nice and he wants to.

Amy is throwing me a Karaoke going away party, which has a measly 7 confirmed guests on Facebook. Five years, and only 7 people want to say goodbye to me. Depressing? Sorry, I keep drifting back to depressing. :/

/self-pity.

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 19:14:40 GMT

Its official; our relationship has an expiry date. -sigh-

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 18:05:01 GMT

So I've booked my one-way plane ticket to Halifax for August 14th. Less than 6 weeks away! I can't believe time has gone by so quickly. And 6 weeks is hardly any time at all.
Brian and I just moved in with Greg last week, so it was a good opportunity to get rid of a lot of stuff. Now I'm trying to do inventory on what stuff I have left so I can decide the best way of getting it to Halifax.

Its all thoroughly depressing.

Brian and I still haven't talked about the status of our relationship as of August 14th. I kept telling myself I'd bring it up when I get back from Europe, but I've been back three weeks, and I haven't plucked up the nerve yet. I keep updating my Facebook status with references to me leaving, hoping that he will be encouraged to start the conversation. Either way, I'm really really not looking forward to it.

Again, with the depressing.

But, I am excited for grad school, which starts in 9 1/2 weeks. Yay. Also, excited for Jonathan's unofficial wedding (oh yea, ps., my brother got married) and to finally meet my sister-in-law. I'm looking forward to having a new place to live (which isnt quite official yet, but I hope will be soon), and to be back in Halifax. Its going to be a new beginning, which is always a good thing. Its the ending before the beginning that kinda blows.

I am making it a firm resolution to enjoy my last 6 weeks in Newfoundland, both Nfld itself and the people that I will be leaving behind. For some parts of it, I might never enjoy again.

Depressing?

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:45:51 GMT

Back in Paris yesterday. Its raining; which is lame; but I am starting to get used to these ridculous keyboards, though I wish the French word-check would stop telling me every single word is spelled wrong lol

I went to the Musee D'Orsay today and saw real Van Gogh paintings!!!! best thing ever. I also saw a lot of other really cool stuff which will available in picture form for Facebook friends on Saturday. This computer refuses to acknowledge the existence of my flash drive so no picture updates now :(

I also went to the Musee Nationale d'Art Moderne, which was 25% kinda cool and 75% ridiculous pretentious bullshit. So for any modern art fans/creators out there, here are some hints:
-An orange canvas is not art. Neither is a blue one or a white one or a black triangle with a red line or 4 red triangles, etc, etc
-A blanket on the floor covering pillows is not art
-A naked girl holding a chicken is not art
-Neon signs, no matter what they spell out, are NEVER art
-Spewing feminine slogans and quoting statistics that only state the obvious is not art. Men have more power than women? No shit, you come up with that yourself? Then complaining that your art is labelled "feminine" makes you twice as ridiculous

This could go on for awhile, but there were some cool things. There was a Kadinsky exhibit which I enjoyed. That kind of modern art I can appreciate; there is clearly time, effort, ingenuity, oh yea and TALENT involved in it. There's imagery and expression. No one will ever convince me there is imagery in a plain orange canvas.

I also went to Notre Dame this morning and went up to the top of the towers, saw the bell and the gargoyles. It was pretty cool. Yesterday I went to Sacre Coeur Basilica, and also went to the top, also very cool. Then I went to the Pere Lechaise cemetary, where I successfully found just 2 famous graves (Jim Morrison and Oscar Wilde) in the hour I was there. It closed at 6, which is pretty lame I think. But the cemetary was beautiful, famous graves or not :)

Brussels was quiet. I spent a lot of time in my charming little Bed & breakfast resting. I needed it. But I did go to Mini Europe, which was awesome. My camera batteries died halfway through but I took some pictures.

Before Brussels was Bruges. I was in a bit of a funk in Bruges. It was beautiful, but I got frustrated a few times. I kept getting lost, and Belgium officially sucks for communication. Not being able to have a real conversation with anyone from home for a few days got on my nerves. BUT I did have a lovely time with my three roommates in the hostel; we went to the bar one night and had a good time. The people in the other hostels I've stayed at have not been interested in befriending much, or I havent seen them enough to befriend, but I think I got to experience the nicer side of hostel life in Bruges :)

London was good. I went to the Tower of London, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, the Parliment buldings, all the usual sights; I went up the London Eye, which was cool for 5 minutes, but being in a glass ball up in the sky for 30 minutes on a sunny day loses its novelty REALLY quickly. I got some nice pictures from up there though. Romeo & Juliet at the Globe was amazing; one of my favorite things of the trip. And while I was waiting in line, the guy in front of me and I started chatting and he graduated from MUN too. Small world :)

Did I update about the first Paris trip^already? I dont remember, the pictures tell the story anyway.

Other things I've seen/experienced:
-a Parisian rat in the Metro station
-a real model photo shoot in Paris; glamorous!
-the worst smell in the world -- Brussels metro stations
-correction: no, the worst smell in the world was the cheese I bought in Brussels :S I threw it away immediately but I kept forgetting it was in the garbage and opening it; the whole room would stink thereafter. Stinky cheese = bad!!!

Thats all I can remember right now, plus I'm exhausted so I am going back to my hostel to chill for the rest of the night. Last day tomorrow!!! Then home again, home again jiggedy jig ;)

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 11:38:01 GMT

I am currently zooming past the Belgium countryside at 300km/hr on my way back to Paris. Belgium and London were lovely though Belgium telephones and calling cards have made the no-like list. I wish I could give full accounts of my trip but alas, fate is not so kind. Though the Thalys train has graced me with wifi access, my ipod is almost out of power :( But I will give you a brief gastronomic description of Belgium: cherry beer is delicious and dangerous, stinky cheese is gross, frites and mayonnaise are way better than fries and mcChicken sauce, and waffles are fantastic and plentiful!

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 19:49:16 GMT

I'm in Paris!!!!! I arrived yesterday after much too much flying and all I ever wanted to see of Newark airport (8 hours!!) Yesterday I walked for 7 hours and took a million pictures. I did the Pantheon and the Arc du Triomph and Jardins du Luxe,bourg. Today I spent 5 hours at the Louvre, went shopping; and went to the Eiffel Tower. All of which was amazing. I would write more about it but French (European?) keyboards are fucked. qwerty I miss you. Though I am tempted to try and type normally and see what comes out.... lol

¨Pics on FB lqter maybe and more details when I learn to type/return to normal keyboards (probably the latter)

London tomorrow!!!

no_mem_ories@yahoo.ca — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 09:15:13 GMT

I'm leaving for Europe today!!!!!!!

17 hours of traveling lie ahead of me, and then PARIS at 7:55 tomorrow morning :D :D :D

I am incredibly anxious, and nauseous from lack of sleep and excess nerves. But, I'm going to PARIS!

Later folks ;)